Psalm 94:19 When my anxious thoughts multiply within me,
Your comfort delights my soul.
I stood at the gas pump. I wasn’t yet old enough to drive, but I had been reading for years. The colored handles, numbers, and instructions might as well be a code for how nervous I felt. A parent told me it was time for me to fill the vehicle with gas, and in my memory, it is the first time. I stood there anxious and feeling sick. I don’t remember why I was so nervous, but I do remember the feeling. Even today I double check the gas pump. I’m not anxious during my weekly trip to the gas station. But the anxiety left a mark.
If you deal with anxiety, I am curious how you would describe it to a friend? For me, it feels like static when I’m listening to the messages (thoughts) in my mind. It’s like another station is trying to butt into my attention. Sometimes it’s just a slight “buzz” sound, and other times it’s cranked up to ear splitting levels.
Here is a present-day example: I might be on a run alone on a country road when a man I know comes driving past on a tractor. I am outdoors exercising with wind whipped hair and my mouth open trying to gulp in air. And it can be a simple moment like this when the anxiety goes from static to stereo blasting loud. (It’s embarrassing to write my thoughts out. Yet… perhaps… if you struggle in this way, this could help you feel less alone.)
The thoughts tumble over each other sounding like: Was my running outfit modest enough? Do I look pretty or at least presentable? How far do I get off the road so he doesn’t need to worry about hitting me with his tractor scoop? Why is he driving on this road at the same time as my run? (No one comes down this road.) I wonder if he thinks I am running fast? Will he pass back this way on my return route? Why did I take this road? And the questions and anxious thoughts keep coming.
I’m used to moments like this, but they are still ridiculous in nature and uncomfortable. The longer I struggle with anxiety, the more ways I have learned to retrieve calm. One helpful practice that pulls me back to the present in a gentle manner is mindfully noticing my senses. I am not sure the person who first described this method, but I have heard it from Sara Hagerty and several others.
I will give you an example from where I currently sit writing.
You tell yourself 5-4-3-2-1
What are five things you see around you? I see pictures of my family hanging on our dark, grey accent wall. I see a dinosaur book lying on the floor. I see an empty cereal bowl next to me on the end table. I see evidence left on a chair from Nora’s rendezvous with a permanent marker. I see that my feet are crossed at the end of my reclining seat.
What are four things you hear?
I hear the ticking clock. I hear the dishwasher draining. I hear the sound of my hand typing these words. I hear my own breathing.
What are three things you can feel?
I feel the laptop resting on my legs. I feel my wedding ring on my left hand. I feel the warmth of my large shacket (a sweater jacket) my hubby gave me for Christmas.
What are two things I smell?
My hands smell like soap. My hair smells a little of product.
What is one thing you taste?
I just had my traditional bedtime snack of cheerios and milk. I can still taste it.
This practice pulls your brain to the present focusing it on sights, sounds, smells. Doing this simple inventory of your surroundings brings back a feeling of calm. Sometimes the anxiety can be replaced with a moment of wonder.
If the anxiety goes unchecked and gets louder and louder. The pressure increases and one can feel defeated or at the least, deflated. Dr. John Delony* would tell us that anxiety is our brain trying to do its job of keeping us alive and safe. It’s doing what brains do.
Knowing this, you and I can tell our brain: “Thank you for trying to keep me alive, but you are not helping me right now. Let’s try this instead.” Then offer your brain something to pull it out of the spin cycle of anxiety. You could try the 5-4-3-2-1.
You are I have been around the block once or twice. Fresh air, exercise, sunlight, friendships, clean eating, meditation, thankfulness, and rest play a huge part in helping our bodies stay calm. You and I know this… but knowing what’s important and making it of importance are two totally different things. Sometimes it sounds too simple (really a phone call or coffee with a friend is all I need?). Sometimes it sounds really hard: forgiving a family member for a wrong done to you.
Here are some other things that help me:
- The occasional anxiety-reducing pill
- Liturgies or prayers written by someone else I can go to at times like this.
- Telling myself to breath in deeply, hold it, and breath out completely. I do this three times.
- Going for a walk.
- Journaling my troubles and thank-yous (I will share more about this one next time).
Two things to remember if you struggle with anxiety: 1) You are never alone. & 2) The simple practices we keep can make a big difference.
We could go on, but I want to end here and pray for us.
God,
In this trying time when war is waged on our calm, may we walk with hope.
May our hope pull us forward and push us from behind. May hope be a loving hand on our head in times of needed relief.
I ask for this comfort, clarity, and assurance that we are never alone.
Bring caring friends and show us how beautiful it is to be open with others.
We need You. We need others. We need hope.
Amen
Psalm 139:23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
Put me to the test and know my anxious thoughts;
-Kassie Joy
P.S. I chose Mandy’s chicken photos because I am pretty sure watching chickens reduces anxiety.
*Check out Dr. John Delony’s book Redefining Anxiety.
