Dear Reader,
This week I am strongly tempted to take a pass on posting a blog post. I enjoyed a long weekend with family visiting and didn’t make time for writing. After my family left, I desired fresh ideas and a new angle to write about during our series. I took notes as I read through the chapter I was to review. I attempted several starts to my blog post- each with possibility, but only a couple sentences long. Nothing felt witty, entertaining, or profound.
I admit to you I’m feeling stuck in my writing this week. A feeling that stems from insecurity in my message and a sense of weakness in my creative endeavors. I currently hold the feeling: I don’t have what it takes to be a successful writer. My inner critic is harsh and relentless, and I’m battling the voice of doubt.
I don’t tell you this to fish for praise or reassurance. Instead my motivation in sharing is to admit to you, my friend, that I am weak and struggling.
During the last few months, I experienced a revaluation of my priorities and pursuits. As our country halted it’s frenzy and people were told to stay-at-home, I learned how quickly life could change. I made smaller changes like beginning to add running to my schedule and I started writing more consistently. There came the possibility of larger changes too. My husband and I discussed the possibilities of selling our home, having another baby, and me working from home. These decisions felt weighty and the unknowns rattled me. We wanted to be wise and make decisions we could look back on with approval in the future.
As we talked, prayed, and planned, I noticed how tightly I cling to my plans and schedule. I relish feeling in control of my little life and decisions. Looking at the future like a blueprint is more appealing than seeing it as a foggy path with a few feet of visibility.
We answered a few questions for the present: no we won’t sell our home (but we will work tenaciously to pay it off in the next few years). We will wait a little longer to have a baby, and instead open our home to babysitting another’s precious babe. Joel and I are still discussing and praying about our future.
Through this shifting, I was continually reminded how little control I possess and how weak I am. These reminders invoke a sense of irritability and anxiousness in my soul. It’s difficult not to have a clear plan and feel weak. Yet, through this time I feel a gentle pull, almost like a whispered invitation. It’s a call to my weary soul to return to the One who restores.
God is showing me He is my rock to stand on, fortress of protection, and safe place in battle (Psalm 18:1-3). He is so very patient with my attempts to control and create on my own. Then when I am red faced and flustered, He asks if I am ready for help. Am I willing to release my desire for control and see my weakness as a starting place for Him to work? He is not disappointed in my weakness, for God delights in being my strength. He knows my future and invites me on the foggy path to trust Him.
I know that God is working in the little details; in my writing and creating. He is also very near my in the big decisions. His closeness and willingness to lead is turning my focus from my weakness to His strength.
How about you? Do you currently feel weak? Is there an area in your life where you need to listen to the whispered invitation to invite God’s strength to work for you? Your weakness can be a prompting to remember we are not designed to live our live without help. You are called to lean into God’s nearness. You and I… we can do this together. May we see God’s strength at work in our lives.
As we journey together,
Kassie Joy
I am a huge fan of details. I could be walking past a weed or a huge patch of scrap metal, it doesn’t matter. I think, “How can a I capture a detailed image out of these?” You may see this big pasture, but look a little closer and you will see this little guy! -Mandy June Photography
