My husband and I were getting ready for bed and had the following conversation.
“It’s strange how my work comes in groups,” said Joel.
“Like when you do three bathroom tile jobs in a row?” I said.
“Yeah. Remember all those fence jobs I had?”
“Yes. It’s weird. This happens to me too. I hear of something and then it pops up again soon after.”
“There is a name for that: when you learn of something and then recognize it again soon after,” he said.
“I think it’s different than when your fiancé buys a new vehicle and suddenly you notice that type of vehicle everywhere you go.” I said.
Do you know what I mean? The phenomenon is like when your girlfriend sent a text of a lovely rose and said, “Look what is blooming in my backyard.” Then the next day, your husband brings you roses because he wanted to surprise you. A few days later, you are reading in a devotional book and the author mentions roses. Perhaps you take notice and wonder why all this theme of roses suddenly? If this experience of things happening in groups has a name, I don’t know it. Please, tell me if you do!
Has something like this happened to you? When we see a pattern emerging like this, we should take notice. I think repetition holds meaning and it’s our job to figure out if there is a message to learn.
This recurring theme happened to me last week. May I tell you about it? I will explain in a round-about-way as I continue in our series on mindfulness.
As I am learning about mindfulness, I have the routine of reading the chapter I am currently on in the book Mindfulness* and then practicing the meditation that goes along with it. This week, when I mixed up my routine and started the guided meditation first, it took me by surprise. Take a look at this quote from the meditation:
Quotes from Mindfulness
- “Up until now, whenever the mind has been distracted by thoughts or feelings, the instruction has been to acknowledge where the mind had been drawn, then gently but firmly to bring the mind back to the breath or the body or whatever you intended to focus on. Now there’s a new possibility. Instead of bringing the mind back from a thought or feeling, now you can allow the thought or feeling to remain in the mind.” Page 172
This was new to me. The previous meditation practices were about focusing on our breath or body sensations while letting thoughts just pass through the mind. Now we were asked to keep a thought constantly on our mind (and not just any thought, but a difficult one). This practice was designed to specifically bring a troubling thought to the front of your mind and then tune in to how your body responds. I think I was caught off guard since: 1) you were supposed to ponder a difficulty, 2) you were told not to try to change the body sensations you feel, 3) you were to explore the sensation with openness.
There was the humdinger of an idea: explore a difficult thought and its effects with openness. Are you like me? When something is difficult and unpleasant, do you want to work to change it, ignore it, or numb it? This idea of approaching the difficulty with openness is a new approach. I am guessing it might be new for most of us because of this quote:
- “Whenever we’re faced with a difficulty— whether it’s the stress of a job, illness in ourselves or in a loved one, exhaustion or malignant sadness— it’s only natural to try and push it away. We can do this in myriad ways, from endlessly trying to “solve” it or by trying to ignore it or bury it under a pile of distractions. We all use these strategies, even though they may have stopped working many years ago….But sooner or later, there comes a point where these strategies no longer work because we either run out of steam or the difficulty we’re facing is truly intractable. When we reach this fork in the road we have two options. We can carry on and pretend that nothing is wrong (and lead an increasingly miserable existence), or we can embrace a different way of relating to ourselves and the world.This different approach is one of acceptance of ourselves and of whatever is troubling us. It means turning toward it, befriending it, even when— indeed, especially when— we don’t like it or it scares us.” Pages 164-165
Isn’t that a little strange or even totally weird? What does it mean to accept what is troubling us? At first I wasn’t convinced. As I read further and explored this method through meditation, the idea became clearer and I grew convinced. This is what we mean by acceptance:
- “The root of the word (the same root as the words “capture” and “perception”) means to receive or take hold of something— and through this, it also means to grasp or understand. Acceptance, in this sense, allows the mind to embrace the true, deep understanding of how things really are. Acceptance is a pause, a period of allowing, of letting be, or clear seeing.” Page 165
Last week wasn’t an easy one for me. This idea of acceptance (a pause to see things) was a timely message. During the first meditation from this week, I cried. During the next few, I noticed how I would clench my teeth or hunch my shoulders while thinking of a difficult topic. But somehow after the meditation, it was easier to breathe and think clearly.
If acceptance sounds like a bunch of hogwash, I encourage you to not give up on the idea. At first I was an interested unbeliever. What if you tried it and let your mind house a difficult thought and then tune into how your body reacts? My friend, accepting doesn’t mean liking something, but it does allow you to see where you are at.
So you might be wondering what this has to do with things coming in groups. The theme of acceptance came again through another avenue. I am a part of a group of writers called Hope Writer’s. One of the founders of this fantastic group is Emily P. Freeman. I admit I am a bit of a fan girl of this creative and whimsy woman. Then I discovered she has an awesome podcast.** Last week her podcast had the same theme as my meditation focus for this week. Take a look-see at this:
Emily said, “I was curious about what it would look like to have a more welcoming posture as it related to anxiety, which I realize might at first sound counterintuitive, but the more I learned about anxiety and worry, the more I’m realizing what the experts say is true. That if you try to push anxiety away, it only makes it worse. But when I welcome it, or at least acknowledge its presence in the room, I have a better chance of knowing what to do next rather than spending all of my energy trying to get rid of the fear.”
Isn’t that good?! There is a difference between pushing at fear or worry and in so doing focusing on it, or instead, allowing it a presence for the current moment.
Two times in one week I heard the message I really needed. The theme was acceptance. The message ministered to my soul.
What about you? Is there something that is popping up repeatedly in your life?
I will leave you with my tradition for this series of one thing I am thinking, feeling, and discovering as it relates to mindfulness.
- Thinking lately that I don’t feel strong enough to live in the time we are in. Yet maybe that is the point, weakness doesn’t disqualify us from making a difference. Learning to accept where you are can create the atmosphere for awareness and growth.
- Feeling amazed at how often things come in groups to help you notice something.
- Discovering mindful acceptance is often the first step in moving forward. It isn’t passive. Nodding to anxiety or difficulty, telling them “I see you are here,” might be the decision that grows us stronger.
-Kassie Joy
P.S. While in the process of editing this blog, I started reading a book for my next set of blog posts. The message came up again! Time number three! Acceptance was the theme and I took notice.
*Mindfulness by Mark Williams and Danny Penman
**The Next Right Thing podcast with Emily P. Freeman. The quote was from episode 130
