“Why are you locking it?” my three-year-old daughter asked. She wasn’t used to seeing me lock doors. She’s normally sleeping peacefully for hours before I go through my nighttime routine of locking all the doors and turning down the thermostat. She asked because it was the middle of the day as I turned the door handle lock.
What could I say to my little girl? I couldn’t answer honestly, because in that moment, I wasn’t sure why I wanted to lock the doors. I read a blog post hours before where the writer’s house was broken into and I read about her battle with fear. She said in the midst of the world blazing messages of fear with every headline, her safe place (home) was intruded into while her kids slept. Maybe this is why I locked the doors.
Perhaps adding to this reason is that with all the unknowns occurring in the last weeks, I feel anxious and perplexed. The uncertainty of tomorrow makes feeling safe challenging. A new virus rampaging the world, intent like a dictator to conquer each landmass on the planet, sounds like a great plot to a film. But, this is our reality- people’s life shifting with illness, isolation, or upheaval in the financial sphere. What to do? How to plan? What to believe? How to think?
I don’t know. I’m not sure. So I locked my doors in the middle of the day.
And now I keep viewing this scene (as if in a dream) where I watch myself go to the door and turn the lock. As my mind replays the scene I wonder, what is going on inside me? What am I locking out?
Through pondering this and studying my actions over the past weeks, I see I am dealing with the daughter of fear: insecurity. The places I found sure footing were shifting: my steady schedule, sitting down with friends, the predictability of my future, and the feeling of safety. This illness’ multiplying madness has yet to touch many towns- yet we are urged to proceed out the door with caution or not at all.
Hourly I’m tempted to check the latest news or social media information. My husband will look online each day to see how many people tested positive in our state and what county they live in. My tender soul wearied from the news around the world, also thinks of the many elderly I love in my little town. What shall become of all of us?
Just before this nightmare started in our country, I was invited to join a book launch by one of my favorite writers. I chose to participate because I wanted to tell others about her work and I would get to view behind the scenes of her journey in writing this message. The author is Sara Hagerty. Her latest book is titled “Adore.”
During the same week I was reading her inspiring book, I heard an appropriate song on the radio for the time we are living in. I listened to this song by Switch before, but as I listened closely to the words, I felt like her message was for the moment I was living. The chorus of Symphony says,
‘Cause even in the madness
There is peace
Drowning out the voices
All around me
Through all of this chaos
You are writing a symphony
A symphony
The message reminded me the story is much larger than what we are seeing. God didn’t create a virus to kill, but He is using it in a massive story with a remarkable ending. Or you could say He is writing a symphony.
The part of the music we hear at this moment sounds harsh, sharp, and mournful… but it’s only part of the song. I am learning what to do in the middle of these moments through Sara’s book on adoration. She says, “In adoration, we start with the weak place, the empty place, the uncomfortable place and invite God to speak into it.” It is the simply practice of using what God’s Word says about Him and speaking those words back to Him. As I leaned over my iPad reading Sara’s digital copy (of the book soon to be released), I’m learning God wants to meet us in what she calls, “The middle minutes.”
Slowly I am taking the shaky steps to practice this way of relating to God and focusing my heart on who He is. Adoration is best explained through example. You go to the Scriptures and observe how God reveals Himself. In Psalms 38:9 we find a revelation about God: “And my sighing is not hidden from you.” Here we see God is the one who sees our sighs. He is the God who sees.
Next, we take this truth from Scripture and pray it back to God. However, as I am learning adoration I wonder, will it work? Can adoring God still this storm of emotions and insecurity inside? The answer comes in a whisper, “Yes” as I am saying these truths I know from His word:
God, You are the One who sees. You aren’t looking from afar. You are near and you see. You see the hurt and anguish of our nation. You are not ignorant or ignoring. God, I am scared and you see this too. You see inside of me and know why I lock the doors and nervously scan headlines. You see my anxious soul and sighing from frustration. You see and you are near.
Adoration took me back to my heart and God’s. Suddenly my thoughts were focused on Truth. I could rest.
My patterned mind will go back to worry. When I realize I’m worrying, it acts as a reminder that again and again I can adore God. I can adore the God who is my Advocate, Gentle Shepherd, and Our Teacher. He is My Great Defense, God of Abundant Peace, and God who Restores my Song. * And as I focus my gaze on who God is, I can rest in the knowledge that He writes a good song. And then I sigh (one of releasing fear and breathing in peace), and God sees that too. -Kassie Joy
*These titles are taken from March’s 31 Days of Adoration on www.sarahagerty.com. I encourage you to find Sara on Instagram and look at her adorations for yourself. Her book comes out the end of this month! Find “Adore” on Amazon.
P.S. I will write more on adoration in the future as I learn more of this wondrous way of relating to God.
