While walking from the clinic, where I just finished a doctor’s appointment, to my van, I noticed the vehicle of a friend parked a few spaces from mine. I remembered she and I had figured out earlier in the week we both scheduled OB appointments minutes apart. Her vehicle was covered in dirt, the back window evidence of their home being on an unpaved road. Time for her to wash her vehicle, I thought. When I arrived at my home twenty-five minutes later, I went to the trunk of my van to unload and noticed how very dirty my vehicle was.
This silly scenario and others similar are creating a curiosity in my heart. How often do I quietly judge others and do the very same thing? My hunch is I climb on the judge’s seat far more often than I realize.
Why does that mom let her kids watch an hour of tv?
Why is that person wearing jeans to this nice event?
Why doesn’t that neighbor have her children pick up the toys scattered in the yard?
Why does my friend leave laundry baskets on her bedroom floor?
These questions are followed by the thought that their actions should be different. However, in all the above questions I have done the very same thing (often!).
When I was a teenager, I spent many hours in my neighbors’ houses pet sitting and babysitting. I became familiar with the way the families decorated, organized, and managed their houses. I remember one house I visited often was a bit dirty. I couldn’t understand why the mom didn’t just quickly sweep the dining room and wipe down the microwave.
Good heavens! Now that I am a mother with my own microwave and dining room I understand. You can sweep under the table three times a day and it might still be dirty when the babysitter comes over. Who has time to clean the microwave?! I don’t even work full time like this sweet momma did.
What if I chose a different way of viewing other’s decisions? What if instead of thinking it needs to be a certain way, I spend more time walking in their shoes or at least giving them the benefit of the doubt. So many times we don’t quite understand each other’s situations until we are walking in the same one. Suddenly we know why they made their decisions. Or perhaps we won’t quite get someone’s perspective or values. Does that make us their judge?
I’ve read that if you talk about someone’s faults to a third party person, she will attribute those same faults to you. So if you say, “That lady is always running behind,” the person you spoke those words to will think of you as a late person. Now that she has judged you, judgment is being passed from person to person. It’s like an unwanted cold creeping up in a kindergarten class. We need to stop the spread of judging others.
What is the cure for a judgment-prone person? How do we stop the quick thoughts of “why don’t they” or “they should” from pausing in our minds? I don’t think there is a simple answer. I do want to keep pressing into this issue and change my default from passing judgment to caring and understanding. If you have suggestions on ways you stop from evaluating people’s actions, I would be interested to hear them.
Kassie Joy
