An encouraging friend of mine reminds me on Thursdays that she is looking forward to reading my latest post. I enjoy knowing she is reading my blog, and it tickles me that she remembers each Thursday. Recently, we were talking about a post I wrote a while back in letter form. She noticed that in it I talked about my feelings of insecurity in the area of writing. She said that we all feel insecure in one area or another. Then my friend shared a little bit about her childhood and how rejection from her mother has played out in areas of insecurity in her life. She promised we could get together so she could share more stories about it with me.
Her comment about all of us dealing with insecurity keeps popping around in my mind like summer bugs at a street lamp. This topic fascinates me: why do we feel insecure? I wanted to know others’ insights in this area and did a quick look for books for women on the topic. I borrowed three from the library and have read and thought about it often the last few weeks.
Would you delve into this topic with me? Are you like me and have areas of your life where you feel you don’t measure up or you feel like a beginner and that causes insecurity? Maybe there are other reasons you feel insecure. I could rattle off a list for you of areas I have felt insecure. A few of them being: my belly weight, raising a toddler, when I was the only girl in my college math class, moving to a farming community (when I didn’t know anything about farming), and having a husband who can run circles around me in the area of productivity. These are just a few of them!
Picture this with me: you are going to the beach with a group of friends. You bring along your sunglasses, sunscreen, drink of choice, and a tube to float on. All your friends bring tubes too and you spend several hours floating in a group while laughing and soaking up some needed sunshine. After a great day on the water, you go home, shower, and crawl into bed. When you close your eyes, you feel like you are still floating on the waves. You can feel the motion of the water and the sensation of bobbing in it.
When you lie down in bed, are you floating? Nope, you are safely tucked between your sheets ready for some Zzz’s. Yet, it feels like you are still on your tube in the waves. This feeling of being in motion when you aren’t reminds me of what insecurity often feels like. It’s the sensation that you aren’t on solid ground when in fact you are. What causes this feeling of insecurity?
Many times the feeling can be pointed back to a false narrative you or someone else told you. Have you or someone you know told you:
Your body is the wrong shape or size?
You can’t because you are female?
You should do certain things since you are female?
You are too young or inexperienced?
You’re too loud, quiet, smart, or weak?
These and other accusations can feel true. For many of us, we hear it so often either internally from our thoughts or externally (from the media and those around us) that it becomes the constant background noise to our lives. The problem with this constant buzz is that it is most often a hum of lies. Big lies, little lies, and the half lies that slip in feeling true.
We need to push the “off” button and shut down the power to this harsh hum of lies.
We need to know where we can hold a thought or an accusation from a stranger to the light and see if it is truth or counterfeit.
The next two or three weeks we will talk about this topic of insecurity and where we can get sure footing when we feel we are bobbing in the waves.
Know if you struggle with this you aren’t alone. Let’s learn, grow, and win together!
-Kassie Joy
I picked these images because I for one deal with insecurities. I have grown though, slowly, to love the body God designed for me. I have learned that we are all in different chapters (like the butterfly goes through changes), with different purposes. But, it is challenging with social media. We see everyone’s happy side, all the good things, and how much better they do something than me. We don’t see the other side, the hidden side containing the struggles, the tears, and the days of wanting to give up. I know I have lots of struggles and insecurities, but I also know that is where the enemy really tries to bring me down. We are made perfectly in His image. Remember that when you find yourself thinking negative thoughts about yourself. You are beautiful, you are talented, you are you. That my friend is the best part.
-Mandy June Photography
What a lovely and poignant post! I am happy to share what I’ve learned in my myriad decades on this planet. Insecurities arise from the subconscious programming that runs on autopilot in the background. More often than not, we have no idea it’s even there. Up until the age of 6, we accept everything we’re told as truth and all of this is absorbed, unedited, into the subconscious forming a lens of how we see ourselves and how we see the world. If all of the rhetoric is positive (which is highly unlikely), great! If not, that one time on the playground when a mean kid said you were ugly, well, that sticks. What has an even greater impact is our familial interactions – these are absolutely critical in how we’re shaped. If there is even the slightest iota of abuse, developmental trauma ensues and at our core (i.e, the subconscious) lies programming based in shame, and being undeserving and unworthy. I could go on…and on and on, but this is what I know of insecurities. Or the basics anyway. I’m impressed though that you have the courage to write about such a sensitive topic. Vulnerability takes courage, lady and you seem to have it in spades! XO E
Hello E, Thank you for your kind words and insight. It’s amazing how much our subconscious runs the show behind the scenes. Since we are so impressionable in our young years, I believe it’s so important what we tell children! I do think we can changes beliefs about ourselves, but it ain’t easy. I appreciate your thoughts. Thanks again!