A few months ago, I encountered an experience worth sharing. I will dare to sound ridiculous in describing what occurred; it’s hard to explain. I tied my tennis shoes and stepped out the door to go for a walk. As I walked unhurried down my driveway towards the road, I felt something different than usual. It was as if my head was aware of my body and how far it was moving above the ground. The thought that came next was “I feel tall.” The sensation felt strange: as if the top of my body newly discovered my legs and torso. Perhaps this is what walking feels like when your mind is only concentrating on walking, I thought. I shrugged off the sensation as I continued my walk, but the occurrence keeps popping up in my mind.
Why did the start of this walk feel so different than the hundreds of others walks?
Another experience keeps happening on the other side of the spectrum. Several times a week, when I walk into the kitchen to take my medicine, I am so consumed with other thoughts, and I leave the kitchen and can’t remember if I actually opened the bottle and swallowed the little pill. It is getting to be an obnoxious, repeated pattern. I’m wondering if I need one of those medicine dispensers that show the days of the week.
These and similar experiences happening this year are waking me up to how much of my present reality I’m missing. Often I am so “in my head” planning, daydreaming, and remembering, that I miss the moment I am living. I find it unsettling to feel like I’m sleepwalking many moments of my day.
Then I picked up an insightful book on mindfulness and read these questions:
* Do you find it difficult to stay focused on what’s happening in the present?
* Do you tend to walk quickly to get to where you’re going without paying attention to what you experience along the way?
* Does it seem as if you are “running on automatic,” without much awareness of what you’re doing?
* Do you rush through activities without being really attentive to them?
* Do you get so focused on the goal you want to achieve that you lose touch with what you are doing right now to get there?
* Do you find yourself preoccupied with the future or the past?
I said a firm “yes” to ALL those questions.
Then I knew: this wasn’t what I wanted for my day to day. I am missing the moments of my life. I desire to be present, aware, and curious to what is taking place around me. How do I wake up to my life?
I believe the journey out of this sleepwalking is mindfulness. Like a snowshoe worn on each foot relieves a hiker from trudging through drifts, there are two areas of mindfulness that ease the muddling through deeply patterned ways of thinking. These are: 1) mindfulness meditation, and 2) breaking up with habits and thought patterns keeping us from living in the present.
I am learning about mindfulness meditation and breaking thought patterns by reading (and veraciously highlighting) a book titled Mindfulness by Mark Williams and Danny Penman. The questions above are from this book. The authors explain that many of us in the Western world “try so hard to be happy that we end up missing the most important parts of our lives and destroying the very peace that we are seeking.” They go on to say that the book is written “to help you understand where true happiness, peace and contentment can be found and how you can discover them for yourself.”
Eagerly I began the meditation practices outlined at the beginning of the book. My motivation guiding me is twofold. The desire to stop pursuing happiness as if it’s just beyond my reach is one reason. Though my life is so rich and rewarding, I spend an embarrassing amount of mental energy planning the next adventure, purchase, or outing. My other reason I mentioned above: I desire to be present in the moments I am given.
The next few months of blog posts will share both the wisdom of Mindfulness from the pages I’m reading and how I am learning to practice this in my life. I must confess, at first I felt that perhaps this journey should be mine to experience alone. Then I thought of you, who might gain a fresh perspective and some helpful tips for your life (or at the least, gain a laugh at my silly thoughts during meditation). Then I thought of me: the girl who needs outer accountability. If I promise to journey with you through the pages of Mindfulness and how I learn to practice meditation, then I GOTTA DO IT. This will be the helpful push in the right direction.
For this series our posts will be structured with three quotes from the book and my reasons for why they stood out to me. Then I’ll recap my week’s meditation experience with a little section on what I’m thinking, feeling, and discovering. I have a hunch these next few weeks might teach us all how to open our eyes to both our physical world and mental habits. I’ll do my very best to explain and entertain.
Practicing and penning my findings will be our focus these next 8-10 weeks. I am going to journey with you through a book, through meditation, and through shaking up old thought patterns and habits. Together we may find a renewed peace and fresh eyes to see our everyday life.
-Kassie Joy
